The Knowhere Guide

Hookup Spots in Penrith, Cumbria*

Penrith, Cumbria Inside Information and Stuff Only Locals Know

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Hookup Spots

• Tha back alley between Toppers and Briggs. I had tha most memorable nyt of ma life down there!!!
• THE MONDO
• every knows that thier isnt much to know about penrith but what we do we know is that. . . penrith isnt penrith without the GSE!! and if you dont have a clue what i am on about then ur nt a penrith player! we like penrith for what it is: easy to get layed, easy to pick a fight and even better for the simple crk of knowing every 1.
• SLAPPERS ROUND THE BAK OF BLUES ON A THURS N FRI NIGHT NEED I SAY HU WITH
• nowhere to go penrith iz shit
• south end road
• always da banstand! u will meet an always find ppl there
• perith is a shit hole the worst fing is the flechtures soft litle nancy boys with microscopic nobs n balls just as small
• qegs school is were u can cum an get some heroin or crack after school hours only
• no idea what you're on about here. please re-phrase grammar at top of box so that subsequent users are not a dumbfounded as myself.
• Southend der is more fit ppl der dan half of da gramma scum hu sit at home n do homework n rite little mama's boys hu wud rather stay in at home n help der mams!! U WIL NEVA GET A GF!! SAD PPL!! SOUTHEND 4 EVA!!!!
• most chavettes hav tree trunks and the others spend so much time over a toilet, finger down throat, that their legs have become thin twigs of nothing. chavs are the worst. i dare you to offer a chav £10 to stand and listen to u slag em off for 60 seconds and i bet it wont work, it never does. even if you offered them all the soverein rings they could squeeze onto their fat little fingers, they wouldn't be able to resist takin a swing at you, and barely touching your face, just stopping because the air in between was too dtrong to break through. there you go. all chavs are scum. BURN THE CHAVS
• LEAVE THE SOUTHENDERS ALONE YOU DONT NO ALL OF THEM YOU ALL NEED TO GROW UP AND STOP HOLDING GRUDGES LIFE IS TO SHORT WHATS THE POINT IN WASTEING IT ITS A GOOD PLACE TO HANG AROUND WHEN THERES NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE SAYING STUFF ABOUT WHAT WE GET UP TO THERE ARE LIENG WE NO HOW STUPID BOY RACERS ARE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU USE TO GET UP TO NOT WHAT WE DO NOW THE ONLY BOY RACER WANNABE WE ALL HATE IS NOEL ROSS OH AND HIS SISTER LUCY HOPE SHE GETS HER HED KICKED IN BEWARE STAY AWAY FROM THE SOUTHEND MASSIVE (WOTEVA) X
• BANDSTAND BABY YEAH!!! from this hallowed circular shelter you can see all that drives past, and wait to be picked up by random boy 'racers'. this only applies to anyone under the age of 15, any older and they will consider you too old. you see, they can manipulate the kids into suckin their little pinheads. anyone older will know that they are incredibly small as they have probably been around by that age.
• well if you wanna find a bunch of loser charvers, the bandstand next to the little chippy is where you wanna be. here you will find johnny lawler, andrew rollinson and the lanky ginger loser.
• Hsbc Bank, street corners, southend carpark, dirty disgusting toilets, the band stand, mcdonalds, the castle.
• the bus station where you can find fit up and coming skater will richardson whos only been skating a year and a bit and is awesome, also take a peek at other greats like liam day and simon scaife also check josh out he can rip.
• Preferably somewhere away from chavs
• we aint all slappers so u need to get ur facts rite b4 u say anyfink we may hand @ thd bandy or southy toilets but that dnt mean we do anythink for free. so there u go
• penrith baths is the SHIT!!!!
• Friday toppers is on once a month you see little 13 year olds going out with there short skirts on and push up bras think there it acting pissed. Blues thurs fri ya feet get stuck to the carpets and saturday night its full of moshas
• The climbing wall.
• southend rd seems 2 be the new place for evry1 2 come n sit n watch all the boy-racers drive by in their new fit-lookin-but-actually-a-pile-of-shite cars and sit there waitin for someone to stop and pick them up, its not always slappers that do this - scott o'neil u know who u are.
• The bus station,ullswater,spar,train station its all cool theres always sumone there sk8boarding or gettin high n if they aint dere then they r all @ d wisdom tree( if u no where its @)
• Southend road - there are no prozzies tho.
• There are plenty but you will find charvers at the band stand or hallowed bench, acting in a very pathetic display of hardmanship. Goths and people who like to procrastinate about suicide alot hang out in the graveyard (original, i know) alongside the muggers. the police like to hang out in the HQ whilst ONE car patrolls a drunken and violent penrith every 16 hours.
• visit the sweetest taboo at the station the place to be like proper good tunes n cheap drink bring it on!
• southend full of 12 yr old slags hu r up 4 it as long as u have a car its also full of lads hu just passed there tests pickin up them slags
• The school gym. Proper good wrestling shows!!!!
• The best hook up spot for the slappers like Daniel Warton is southend road where all the fucking dirty slags hang around waitin 4 a shag. Its full of dirty fuckin slags that have 2 go there 4 a shag cause no other fucker will have the dirty bitches.
• The bench up da croft!! and if you are drinking st caths is the best place to go
• the bench. all those townheaders know what i'm talkin bout
• The bench at da croft it is a hefty some u av got if u dis town head
• blasting ma ak 47 out ov the back window of my volvo at southend roaders.
• da bessy place to hook wid fit lush lads is to be southend rd car park.all da boy racers go round there and most of them are kind enough to give you a quick one.
• all da penrith slags hang aboot on da streets waiting for owt wid a cock to cum n give them one. any ov da little whores hu arnt on da street r up out da way sumwhere shaggin da thing wiv a cock or jackin up in da bus station toilets bunch of dirty f*ckin smackheads when they get 2 aboot 15/16 they start havin kids n jack up in there own skanky little shitholes tht they call flats/ houses o n they all act like hard fu*kers wen there is only a couple hu actually r so there we go the life of a skanky penrith slappa/ skaghead
• Macdonalds! we always meet there
• great crack up at the square 4 those of u who know where it is, many people have moved there recently, i go up very often to see my mates and have good crack in the big centre field. its private so not many people go there, and you can drink there without anybody nearby bothering to look, even if they do, they wont grass u up. just watch out for good old peepo eva at number 34 who occasionally looks out her window and can stand there for hours just staring at you talking to someone.
• quegs is a pile of shit bring it on coz ullswater will kick ur ass! i sit on the prozzie bench but i aint a slaper its you who has nout better to do and your just jelous coz weve got friends and have a life
• Southend road, we arent all bad fair enuff we can get rowdy drive like loonies leave black marks everywhere and wake every1 up, but we arent all bad, by the way my purple 1.3i fiesta sint a lawn mower, its quicker than it looks and its loud as hell so >:op
• I'd definatley check out the stunning twins that are life guards at the swimming pool!
• Bandstand baby, bus station, many benches and the castle or outside the spar on a nite, wink wink diggle !!!
• The bnad where all the drugies loser and under prossies hand out
• Left Penrith in 1994 and never regretted it for a nanosecond. What other town can have a message board that has half it's messages dedicated to a bloody car park?
• the graveyard where all the nu metal loving,baggy jean wearing go during their lunchbreak to smoke weed, sad tossers
• go to the swimming pool and check out the female life guards one of the blond ones is exceptionally nice
• Castle Park - directly across the road from Maccy D's, purpose-built for the sheer purpose of getting high. also many exits so's to avoid police... not that you need to as they are all bent potheads themselves...
• Penrith will NEVER die, if you go away for 15 years and go back (WHY??) then nothing has changed, you will still find the same sad people in the same crap pubs that were there when you left.
• ullswater school where you can find skaters like mike barkey (when not seeing his shrink!) pete mcmanus ( when hes not seeing his bootylicious woman!) and sid ( sick and the wrong boy ! go on sid, move to america and turn pro!)
• "The bench outside HSBC where all the slapers sit all night every night:
• Thought this seemed to be missing: Cheer up you bunch of sods. Penrith is a hell of a lot better than a lot of places you could have had the misfortune to have been born in, and if you're too blind to appreciate that, then perhaps you could do us all a favour and leave? Having said that, I'm off anyway, so frankly you can all f*ck off ;)
• ALL THE GAY BOY RACERS AND THERE YEAR SEVENS ALL HANG OUT AT THE BAND STAND AND SATAND THERE LOOKING TOTALY GAY!!!
• Probably the bandstand (cornmarket) where all the 12-14 year olds hang out and when there is a boyracers car that goes past they screm their little heads off VERY VERY SAD
• The best hook up spot is round at Ben Taylors house. He has lots of pies and supernoodles to eat
• If you want to pull a fit young bloke/lass, well then.... Go somewhere else, Penrith is full of moronic dribbling fools, pissing away their lives down a squalid gutter, wasting your time and mine. The train station is located on Ullswater road. Go there. NOW.
• Definately the Bandstand. All you Novaphiles can pick up a genuine Penrith Slag here, for free!
• Swimming pool, UCC is where the sk8ters are. Otherwise southend road card park. HAHAH, Losers.
• southend!( if your 12 and a dirty slapper)
• the telephone boxes at the bottom of sandgate are great if you are about 10
• In the eden taxi office playig the fruit machines
• Castle park - where on a hot summers day you will find 5 6th formers stoned and half of ullswater skiving. But watch out for Pedro on patrol from the near by grammer school.
• Swimming Pool
• if your twelve years old and fancy a boy friend who has a car then go to South End Road car park. get picked up by any of the thousand Novaphiles and go lapping pointlessly round Penrith while failing to get out of second gear. lots of noise, maximum coolness. oh yeah.
• the bandstand where my me and my mum settle down to a portion of chips each lunchtime, on kay of course.
• Do people hang around dreaming of the time they can get into the bars? Or do they just go?
• THe station is the place to be in Penrith. Good crack and a decent seletion of music on the juke box.
• When there houses of boxes have been busted you will normally find the drugies injecting them selves in the bus station toilets. Now remember what they said in trainspotting "this is far better than a fuck any day" so if you hear screams and pants of pleasure there just having a hit.
• Once again "southend road car park" with all the little pricks in their 1.1 nova lawnmower
• St. Andrew's churchyard-The reek of solvents and cheap deodourant hang heavy in the air as you round the corner. Could it be? A glue factory in Penrith? No. Just the local youth population sniffing glue.
• outside the swimming pool if you are under 15 or a skater
• The hallowed bus station!!! Come to the bus station to see young 13 year old girls jumping into the back of transit vans. The driver's of these vans are usually found living in caravans, they wear unbuttoned checked shirts showing off their white vests and their gold medallions. They usually have a faint smell of B.O. and stale ale. They drive around thinking that they rule Penrith. The bus station also features young boys on mountain bikes trying to pull wheelies, which they think that they can actually do (If you count a wheelie as lifting your front wheel half a centemetre of the ground, make sure you don't blink you might miss it).
• The sad boy-racers that hang about at Southend road, whistling at the girlies but also have a 12 year olds by their sides.
• Southend Toilets you will find 14 year old slappers waiting for boy racers to drop of their birds and pick them up. You can always find fat Leanne Borthwick sat on her fat arse at the bandstand.
• Outside Kwik Save on the bench leering at passers by (14 year olds)
• Castle park (14 yr olds only)
• THE swimming pool/the steps at the top of Barco.
• The "Bandstand", officially known as the Market Cross in Cornmarket at the bottom of Castlegate.

The Knowhere Guide started out as a list of places to skateboard in the UK. It is a compilation of (unedited) information and views supplied by users like yourself. It is not a conventional tourist guide!

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Last updated: 2008-08-20