The Knowhere Guide

Other Stuff in Penrith, Cumbria*

Penrith, Cumbria Stuff You Don't Get Anywhere Else

The Stuff We Can't Fit In Somewhere Else

• all the wankers
• SOUTHEND AMERICAN PIE. Picture the scene. A nova is parked in southend car park. A certain person who shall remain nameless is sat in the car with a young girl. He turns to her and says "Suck me 12yr old" The poor girl looks at him in amazment. "My friends call me nova" he says proudly "as in cassanova" She then replies "Go on then, drop your pants" He drops his pants and she looks up at him laughing. "You said if i got in the car with you and pretended i was your girlfriend infront of your mates, you would give me and my mates a lift home. Sorry, but i would rather walk for miles than go near that little thing!" she says before jumping out of the car. She then runs across to the toilets to tell all her little slapper mates how small that certain novaphiles dick is! Written by a very clever southend boy racer hater!
• If U R after a wicked night out, come to Southend Rd, or St. Andrews churchyard, where U can pick up an underage Penrith Prozzie, who'll always do anything for free.....
• The most pointless thing ever can been seen on a wall walking back to ucc. you will knoe it when you see it.
• Most penrithans rock this world
• Penrith is ace cuz u always find out what's been going on.Top spot 4 gossip, is penrith!!!
• UCC RULES,ALL THE ACE PEOPLE AND FIT LADS GO THERE!!
• There are two gangs of teenagers the shap mafia and the penrith mafia. The shap mafia are usually found outside Q.E.G.S looking to get Lomax. And the penrith mafia have they're own identity cards.
• ATTENTION ALL BOY RACERS!!! The hour of fiery retribution is nigh. Failure to comply with my wishes will result in instant humiliation by egg. You are all at risk, and I might strike at any time. You won't know how and you won't know when, but rest assured that if you continue to knob about in Southend rd. you will be splattered. New technology is being developed at this very minute which will project eggs for up to 500 metres. I wouldn't have a problem if you weren't a bunch of complete cocks, but you are. So there. THE EGGMEN
• I guess Penrith's alright really; when the sun is shining and the twats aren't in town its ok, know what I mean? Even the Bradys don't piss you off too much.
• it is a very small but kinda groovy place erm can you tell i don't live here?
• SOUTH END MAYBE A SHIT HOLE TO SUM PEOPLE BUT TO THE REGULARS IT IS THERE SHRINE!!!! WHERE WOULD THEY BE WITH OUT IT? THERE SHOULD BE A PERMANENT PLACK IN HONOUR OF THEM FOR STICKING BY THEIR MORALS & NOVA DRIVERS. SO GIVE THEM A BREAK AFTER ALL IT IS A MAJOR FEATURE IN PENRITHS IMAGE. RESPECT DA SOUFF ENDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS EM
• Best Mob to have brought it to Penrith - Probably Leeds when they came in town in July 1999.They took a few pubs over.However it must be said that there main lads were in Carlisle having it in Pippins.They were coming back from a freindly at Celtic.The Geordies also always bring a good mob on the way back from Blackburn or any Lancashire club,however, it must be said they don't half leave Blackburn early these days though.
• Penrith is a wonderful town full of charming residents and widespread cultural diversity. The only places less welcoming and tolerant are a) Texas and b) Shap.
• Penrith is visited by Withnail and Marwood (and Uncle Monty, or course) in the best film of all time, "Withnail and I". On the way, Withnail spots a roadsign warning that they are passing through an accident blackspot.... "Look at that, look at that. Accident black spot. These aren't accidents. They're throwing themselves into the road gladly. Throwing themselves into the road to escape all this hideousness. Throw yourself into the road darling, you haven't got a chance!" Very little to do with Penrith, I suppose, but what the hell, eh?
• The Police force is 100% corruptable, if you have a crime you wish to keep covered up, just slip them a fly ten spot and bobs your uncle. Your problems will just disappear, go on son everyone else does.
• I visited Penrith in 1991 to take in the beuty of cumberland and to see my ancestors. Brougham Castle and Hall are loacted ritgh outside of town and are steeped in history. There is also Highhead Castle a short distance away, another great Brougham landmark. The people are warm and ready to show a great time. The many pubs and diversity of food pleasures as well as the lakes and rolling "hills" make this area of England are much hidden star.

The Knowhere Guide started out as a list of places to skateboard in the UK. It is a compilation of (unedited) information and views supplied by users like yourself. It is not a conventional tourist guide!

In most cases, the information in each section has been submitted by more than one contributor (the credits at the bottom of the page list some, but not all, of the contributors) and some of it dates back to the 1970s.

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Credits

Last updated: 2008-05-15