The Knowhere Guide

Best and Worst in Polzeath, Cornwall*

Polzeath, Cornwall Triumphs and Tragedies

Favourite Building

• robbie loves camp site toilets.. niiiiice grotty showers!!
• TJs (is it a building?)...Church now Tubestation
• Doom bar is an awesome place to watch the surf- also Munchie's at Robbie Love's is THE best place to get munch before sitting on smackhead's ridge to watch the sun go down!
• Costcutters
• old deserted hidden houses of the hedges in Port Quinn
• Used to be mr.whites butchers, now ice cream parlour but still pretty damn good. as always v.nice cornish staff.
• eeerrrrr, go for the surf and people not the buildings,
• The Oyster catcher when the red lights are on making it look like a brothel.
• no building but the view as you drive down into the village from either side is breath taking sea views quik get my wet suit ........
• Anne's Cottage + The Galleon + TJ's
• this well posh house next to daymer bay, we all gatecrashed some party there and then got told off for nicking a £60 bottle of wine,it wasn't me! ha ha! GET DOWN THIS SUMMER RAAAAAAAAH
• becky's basement...it's ok! we've got a bed! what's that smell? oh it's ok, it's dead robbie behind the wall
• Fish and chip shop. It keeps me going over the summer.
• The laundrett - when you are camping away from home it's nice to have some clean clothes every now and again!!

Demolish It Now Building

• The Oyster Catcher
• the random bee museum place.....hu is interessted in bees?
• St. Moritz hotel up trebetheric way. has been flattened 2 b rebuilt into swanky hotel w/ penthouse. way to ruin the area!!!
• The greasy chicken shop opposite Cone Zone
• Stotts, only joking.
• The toilets (up the road from the beach) - brings a whole new meaning to the word 'skank'
• The christian one.
• Ann's Surf shop, Ann's surf shop, did i say Ann's Surg Shop, please get rid of it!!
• anns cottages chalets cum storage huts
• Granny's Grotto.
• BATCHWOOD DAMMIT!!!
• the Mariner - there are just too many 12 year olds in there!!!

The Best Things

• robbie loves camp site can pick up bud, xtc, k or sniff at badgers just next to grannys grotto! also seen at robbie loves camp site and outside tjs surf shack. say you know bill hayes.
• People..Shops..Beach..Food
• The Sea of course.
• Its really close to the sea, and its too expensive for most chavs to stay there.
• surfing and valley caravan park
• surfing is amazing. the waves are prety big and it doesnt cost much from anne cottage to rent stuff out. polzeath is the best!
• The mass drinking binges, secret surf spots and freedom
• Hardcore-Underground Belgium Techno Raves at the bottom of Robbie's campsite... (of yes....they DO happen......!) Oh, and also just walking the coastline from Plozeath centre to Daymer at night with your chums and your flares- southern public school gatherings are the BEST!
• surfer....sitting on the rocks watching them
• Daymer bay, the beach path from polzeath to daymer along the cliffs that all the drunken youths take.. brilliant. meeting new people, i lvoe it all
• The smell of the bbq's on the beach just after u've had a surf and you know mamma's got a fat sausage on the barbie for u.
• mates and waves and easy lazy out door life in the sun (and wind and rain and . ..). Girls.
• The surf!! windy, rainy, i dont care just bring me waves!
• people surf beach and just the whole polzy attitude, dont go if ur looking for a wild loud holiday go to Newquay for that, polzy is a whole more chilled and easy going,,,,
• Grannies Grotto, the beach, the boys, when it's sunny, the short trip to Lidl's for more alcohol.
• Polzeath in the winter when the surfers and public school lot have gone home The newsagents - those guys have been there since the 70's, it hasn't changed much at all. Have a look at one of the small postcard books on old Polzeath to see how it's been ruined in the last few years. Don't knock them. The huuuuge flats above the shops, we used to rent them from the Phillps family in Trelights, they were (and probably still are) lovely. If you live there now, you're sooo lucky!
• The Beach and Surf
• Polzeath has been my holiday destination for the last 15 years and my wifes for 25 years , it has everything you wish for , sun sea sand and ooh lala who knows
• walking from the Mariners to Daymer on the cliffs. advice; dont wear your best sequinned flip flops on the rocks as you wont be able to run when the locals are chasing you.
• The sun set. Pentire Point. The sea
• the waves
• The beach, bikinis, lifeguards and cool Aussie surfers.
• Girls!!!!
• Galleon Cafe Hot Chocolates with whipped cream and marshmallows; and fresh, hot donuts (ESPECIALLY after a surf!!).
• All the different people you get to meet. No one judges anyone(probably as they are too drunk etc to notice anything). Hippies, surfers, skaters all mix well. Camper van convoys.
• You get to meet loads of different people who come on holiday. All the bonfires on the beach and the music.
• Camper vans, surfers, surfers bodies, grannies grotto, pasties, orange juice, all night parties on the beach at Daymer bay, Robbie loves, sun, sea and sex (well most of the time) and the chips at the hungry surfer!
• All the surfers who you can spy on from the rocks. The camper van convoys rock too.Polzeath is the best place just to bum about

The Worst Things

• walking.. takes.. a.. long.. time..
• Toffs.
• Polzeath is full of public school wankers. I got asked for ID when I tried to buy cigerettes in Spar. When i was 25. With a mortgage and a proper grown up career and a credit card which you aren't allowed until you are 18. Damn you southeners.
• Pretensious posers, first time campers and people too cool to do ANYTHING
• Chavs coming down to invade peaceful gatherings on Daymer and cause a stir- Don't keep doing it you idiots! Why do you think those aggressive men in black hats that we all so lovingly call 'policemen' take you away to the nicker every time?! Think! Please!
• seaweed!!!its soo slimey
• locals gettting all excited that somethings happened all year, starting fights with harrow boys (getting beaten up)
• THE RICH KIDS THAT TRY AND LOOK LIKE SURFERS BY PUTTIN WAX OIN THERE HAIR TO MAKE IT LOOK SCRUFFY-GO BACK TO YOUR PRIVATE SCHOOL, YOU UNINDEPENDANT MUMMYS AND DADDYS CHILDREN.THEY COME DOW N HERE AND THINK THEY OWN THE PLACE.DRIVIN AROUND IN "DADDYS CAR", TWATS.
• young rah's vomming on your van.
• The bikini-clad girls standing in the shallows on the beach gaping at the surfers (male), with no idea which way up to hold a board and who scream every time they are splashed because the water might smudge their make-up.
• the boy racers who sometimes use beach as a kid pan, the underage kids who hang out by the spa and the posers who go to be seen not to do anything else and could probably buy the whole thing, and volvo men,
• NOT getting a christmas card from Grannies Grotto despite signing the guest book. When it rains. The young townies and ra-ra's everywhere.
• Polzeath in July and August NO practical shops, what happened to the mini supermarket? Too many crap shops selling more and more surf gear. Too many cars, parking on the beach.
• Drunks!
• too many yuppies and hooray henries southern softies
• Public school lot driving down in estates from Rock.
• you do SO much walking, especially at nite so dont expect to rely on the parents for lifts everywhere. Daymer gets damm cold at night so always remember your hoodie & cardies girlies!
• Yuppie public school tourists who give the rest of us tourists a bad name by ruining the place
• the absence of weird and disturbed people
• absolutely wopping hills
• Not enough pubs.
• Expensive challets
• Geting sand everywhere.
• The people who work in the spa! They ID everyone even if you 've been in there 20 times and you are blatently over 18. The strange old man that walks round the beach at night in a duffle coat. He's scary. There's no cash piont for miles which is soooo annoying and in the winter it bites here. The security men on the beach do the whole age repressing youth thing.
• The 14 year olds who come on holiday alone for the first time and just get drunk and ill every night. They are found outside the post office wearing addidas. If you haven't got a car you are trapped.
• Polzeath FM - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no more please - also Polzeath is a strictly summer place!!!
• The place in the winter bites! People constantly playing 'Sweethome Alabama' on the guitar-WHY? If you can't surf then don't bother coming. The nearest cash point is miles away.

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Credits

Last updated: 2008-06-12