The Knowhere Guide

The Worst Things in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

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The Worst Things
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  • No bypass it takes 20 mins to get fron the North side to the south, junction 10 is useless the car parks are turning into yet more retire homes
  • I grew up and lived in Cheltenham and left as soon as I was old enough to drive. The place is a horrible combo of middle class fakery, women in oversized pastel coloured rugby shirts driving 4x4's, wanky men in wax jackets and people who call their kids Binky and Hugo juxtaposing the sort of mindless cretin who bangs around the one way system in their ford fiesta with England flags on every window, wearing an england shirt they bought from asda, repetitive techno on their tape deck blaring at full volume, normally smoking low grade resin on the way to get sucked off by a 14 year old they picked up outside school. It's really hard not to patronise the locals when I go back to see the family, but most of them are simply uninspired, grunting, inbred, miscreant fucktards with the charm and charisma of a week old dog turd. Horrible place.
  • Anyone who thinks like I did before I visted Cheltenham today that it is a posh or classy place IT ISN'T!! What a dump!! Crap shops, nasty, ugly people, too many strange looking student types, has a downmarket feel about it which I wasn't expecting at all. Plenty of chavs (like everywhere else. The only place where there are no chavs seems to be in the villages of Northern Gloucestershire they are Chav free!
  • Hardly any decent take-aways, difficult to find decent restaurants and takeaways unless you have been to the rubbish ones already.
  • Finding places somne are tucked down side streets if ya wanna good night out find someone who knows the area to show you a good night out.
  • There is an abundance of mediocre take aways
  • Being stared at if you're in any way different to the native Cheltenhamers
  • many walking around like they own the place
  • nosey neighbours
  • LOL. Im from Australia and lived in Cheltenham for a while and that bloke who plays the harmonica outside Cav house is funny as hell! He plays (and dances) that thing like its his last day on earth. Shouldn't be too long now by the look of him.
  • The scummy people in the crappy areas, every town/city has them.
  • Lack of decent pubs (CMC excluded)
  • The phycho nature you get from the lads and lasses after the nightclubs spill out. Only a small minority.
  • The place is chav hell. Anyone who thinks Cheltenham is posh or classy evidently hasn't ventured off the Promenade.
  • the 'real; chavs of cheltenham and the 'elite' (clc) snobs they both think they own the place.
  • the lower end of town and wannabes oh and the little children thinking there adults
  • Ok so chav boys making comment hooting horns as you go 2 the shops come on just talk to me dnt hoot from your car
  • People who pretend they're rich sweetie luvvie dahling....but at least they're better than the 'ere mush' chavs who'll come back with a gun and 50 Johnsons if you look at their 3 times pregnant Mrs.
  • Cheltenham has finally become a suburb of London, identical to Croydon / Surbition etc etc. An eclectic mix of middle-class blow-ins from London and Gloucestershire in-breds. Miserable retired people who know what a nice place it was and brainless lads and ladettes who get simple pleasures by trashing the place and pretending they are still in London. So much money that its got an uncontrollable crime and drugs problem whilst Gloucestershire Constabulory watch passively like witnessing a nasty car crash. Pathetic public transport which caters mainly for OAPs in the daytime so the place is jammed solid with traffic and blighted by cars. The greed of Developers and the Council (ie the same thing) have brought such amenties as the 'Inner Ring Road', overbearing 'shopping' developments and poxy housing for the masses. Ghettoes for the really wealthy and the nouveax riche blow ins. There are a few nice green spots and a few nice pubs but they are going fast. Who would EVER want to live here? Even Gloucester is better these days
  • the worst thing is every now and then there is a crowd of really annoying 11 year olds but if you stick to the decent shops you shouldn't bump into them!
  • the(dare i say)kevvers! constantly pissing people off and skateboarders getting in peoples way! also stay away from the rough parts- theyre not good, its worth spending more money and not get beaten up! not all of cheltenham is like this though, the posh parts are nice and the town centres nice!
  • The truly horrible bit of town at the far end, where all the junkies hang out and scary people push past you, and chavs hang about outside bloody McDonalds and you get done in the toilets by 5 russian sailors.
  • Racism and general discrimination. People over the age of 50 should not SPIT at foreign students. And can I just point out that it is not the students that are the problem in St Pauls, it is the Landlords. A damp basement does not count as an extra bedroom.
  • Chavs when there all tarted up for their chavvy disco nights at the fez or a@ time,headbanging!
  • The Traffic and all those twats who like shopping on Sundays. Also, skaters, bladers, bmxer, etc are frequently told to 'move on'. Needs a good skate park and less snobs.
  • the huge chav colony the rugger yobs and their bitchy girlfriends - anyone at pate's knows how inbred the *popular* people are. in 2002/03 year 12 anyway
  • Scummy townies in ever increasing numbers. Have some respect for others for f**ks sake
  • The chavvies! The pikeys eejits from the minging areas of the town. If it wasn't for them, this town would be near perfect.
  • Redneck Yokels Blow-Ins from London/Home Counties who treat the place like they still live in London suburbia Inbreeding (so I was told by someone from London) Traffic has always strangled the place Where else do you have to pay to park on the street on Sunday? House prices pushed up by blow-ins so all the locals have to ship out to Tewkesbury or Gloucester
  • Your Site stinks. The comments you have published about Cheltenham are offensive and you should be ashamed. Also, try to employ a web/graphic designer who isn't a brain-dead, unimaginatve moron.
  • Once you know everyone you know everyone!
  • I lived in Cheltenham 5 years ago. Back then we had the indie night at Gas and the bands at the Axiom Centre!! - cool for all those Britpop wanabes like Girl Of The Year and Nilon Bombers (hi to anyone who used to go!). But I hear its all gone now. Disappeared under all that shite Dance-music clublife/barlife --- My blood boils! - sheeplike wankers. Browsers Paradice is still there though, I think? - .... a student at CGCHE '94-'96.
  • My ex- girlfriend. Can be expensive. Too many people talking about how much they earn. GCHQ
  • The inbreds down Limpland (lower High Street by Tescos!) The pikey kids in St Pauls, Whaddon, Hesters Way, Arle, Fairview, Benhall, and so on. Lots of townies in their Armani shirts and Kickers, giving grief for grief's sake! Its only 7 miles from Glaaaaarrrrster! McCoist(sorry, Devaney) and McAuley - you leeches!
  • Cheltenham itself is a complete dive
  • The Axiom being closed down,the lack of places to hear techno/drum and bass,the abundance of cheesey clubs and bars,the posing,rugby playing types,the affluent ethos and snobbery that exist in some circles. Still a gorgeous place to live though.
  • wankers in suits thinking that they are god beating up poor long haired guys who wouldnt heart a fly
  • Chavs a go go ! Perms and escorts everywhere !
  • Bit too compact, I want a "big black hole in ground" club with a decent sized dance floor, cheap drink,up for it people who know how to have a good time, that plays new music, that rocks, that pulsates that sends shivers down my spine etc etc(pipe dream, probably nowhere)
  • One-way system, rental prices (high for outside of London), is too small for anonyminity (I know thats' spelt wrong)... and to get a decent job (unless you fancy working for Eagle Star !)
  • Scummy areas like Princess Elizabeth Way and Hesters Way and Whaddon and St Pauls.
  • Check out the inner ring road after dark for the revulsion/fascination factor. By day they are unemployed/school kids, by night they are BOY RACERS (ie people with too much time on their hands) and they're actually quite a big problem.
  • Race week, you can't move for people or cars and the price of pretty much everything goes up.
  • The bloke with the harmonica busking outside Cav House.
  • Traffic during sales. It's diabolical right now.

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Last updated: 2016-08-28

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